Perceptions

Have you ever wondered how someone can perceive something so differently than you? For example, eye witnesses to crimes seldom agree about what they saw. Or, you and your spouse disagree on what your mother-in-law meant by that remark that had you ready to cut the evening short. We take in information with all five senses but something happens to the information in our brain that causes it to become attached to a certain meaning that may not match that of the other person with whom we are communicating. This "thing" that happens in our brain is primed by what has happened previously in the relationship. If the relationship has been stressed, it is quite common for one or both communicators to attach a negative spin to the information they receive even if the exchange was neutral (non-confrontational). According to John Gottman, this is called "negative sentiment override." When a person is in "negative sentiment override" they perceive words, body language, and actions by the other person in a negative way often misreading the actual intentions of the communication partner. This "misreading" of information leads to a cycle of more stress and less willingness to make reparis in the relationship. I encourage you to examine your stressful relationships and consider how much information you may be misreading because of hurt feeling or perceived wrongs. If you can, stop the cycle from escalating and try to repair the relationship as soon as possible. Good luck.


To learn more about Deborah, visit www.reachfamilytherapy.com